How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Randomize
