Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
