Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
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