Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
