you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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