I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
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In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
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I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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