New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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