Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
