It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Randomize
