So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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