is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
