Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
