her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
