I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
nutella sex= disaster
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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