____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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