i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
