I'm so fucking centered right now
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Randomize
