Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
You've changed since you got that strap on
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
