Well apparently he's into motor boating.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
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