You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
