yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
