TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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