I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
