It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
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