Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
