70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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