We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
