Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
