do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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