she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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