this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
