We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
