He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
