Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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