I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
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She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
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I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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