did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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