Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
