Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
