I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
