New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
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