sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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