pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
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