I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
