but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
She even gives head with a lisp.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
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