just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
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I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Still dying that you shit outside
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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