i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
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He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
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then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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