I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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