At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
