Screwed.edu
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
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