The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
