Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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