we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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