girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
