Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
