you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
