i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
i drank out of a bidet.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
