just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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