It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
