the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Randomize
