Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Randomize
