just come out here and I will go home with you...
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
My life is pants optional.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
