I'm pants shitting drunk right now
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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