girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
